Tag: world

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Tolerate

Beautiful Gift!

Beautiful Gift!

Beautiful Gift!A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. On the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study.

His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, artistically-bound Holy Bible. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Holy book?” and slamming the door, he stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book on his father’s study.

He never contacted his father again for long long time. Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.

Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care things. When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search his father’s important papers and saw the still new Holy Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Holy Bible and began to turn the pages. As he Read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the book. It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL. The young man fell to the ground, devastated!

Like the young many, we too have a strong tendency of misjudging other persons especially the actions of our near and dear ones. We not only judge them wrongly but also behave harshly towards them. Many times we donot like GOD’s gift to us because they are not packaged as per our expectation! How unfortunate is this situation in which we’re knowingly turning blind to our blessings. The only cure to give up this tendency is to be tolerant–tolerant of every person in our lives because THEY are in real, GOD’s gift to us!

In his book ‘The Journey Home,’ Radhanath Swami articulates,“Through the practice of devotion to God, I was coming to learn that preserving loving relations in this world required much forgiveness, tolerance, patience, gratitude, and humility. An essential virtue of humility is to accept others for what they are, despite differences. I contemplated again how the tendency to judge others is often a symptom of insecurity, immaturity, or selfishness, and I yearned to rise above it.”

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Tolerate

The Fire Extinguisher

The Fire Extinguisher

The Fire ExtinguisherEven pleasant sweet aromatic breezes can cause dry wood to catch fire and destroy the forest. – Radhanath Swami.

A saint asked his disciples, ‘Why do people shout at each other when they are angry? Why shout when the other person is just next to you?’ Disciples gave some answers but none satisfied the saint. Finally the saint explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they need to raise their voice. The angrier they are, the greater the heart-distance, and the stronger they have to shout to make themselves heard.’

Everyone in this material world wants to be a little God – “I am the enjoyer, I am the center, I am the controller”. Such egoistic sentiments are like dry sticks of firewood stacked up inside the heart. With both spouses in this mood, many marital problems start as little fights over trifling disagreements. These trifles are the breezes that rub the ego and produce sparks. And it doesn’t take much time for sparks to cause raging fires. Sometimes, even very sweet aromatic breezes with so many fragrances can somehow cause egos to rub and cause a wild fire.

Radhanath Swami notes that whenever pure spiritual topics are discussed, the participants forget all kinds of material hankering, at least for the time being. Not only that, they give up their envy towards one another, and their anxiety and fear evaporates. In the Bhagavat Gita (10.9), Krishna explains: “the thoughts of My pure devotees always dwell in Me, their lives are devoted in serving Me, and they derive great satisfaction and bliss coming together conversing about Me, discussing about Me, and chanting My names”.

This, then, is the most effective fire extinguisher for the matters of the heart: association of devotees, coming together and discussing God, chanting His names, and inspiring one another to serve Him. This is where real pleasure resides.

The winds of petty disagreements can never ignite a wild fire in the hearts thus drenched by loving sentiments for God and each other. Instead, the soft hearts would easily be able to tolerate the onslaught of stormy disagreements by sticking together in the service of God.

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Love

Paint my World with Love

Paint my World with Love

Paint my World with LoveLove means reciprocation – Radhanath Swami

A millionaire was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted many physicians and medical experts; he consumed heavy drugs, took injections but his ache persisted with greater vigor than before. At last a monk who was an expert in treating such patients was called for. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and to take care not to see any other colors. The millionaire hired a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall on be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.

When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire’s servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master sees some other color and his eye ache would prop back.

Hearing this the monk laughed and said “If only you had bought a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these buildings, walls, trees, etc., and also could have saved a large part of your fortune. You cannot paint the world green!”

If only the millionaire had changed his vision, the world would have appeared accordingly to him, instead he was foolishly trying to change the world to suit his vision which is not only a daunting task but also an impossible one.

Similarly, like the foolish millionaire, we are also constantly trying to change others around us, especially our spouses, to suit our requirements! Changing the color of objects is by far an easier task than changing people and their attitude. People need inspiration, not manipulation. People need love, not directives. The best way we can change someone is when we change our attitude towards them.

Radhanath Swami offers a simple recipe: If you want your spouse to listen to you, you listen to their heart’s needs. If you want to be cared for, you start caring for your spouse. If you want your spouse to love you, you start giving love. Remember, love is seen in actions more than in words! Love means reciprocation. We can start the chain of loving reciprocation’s by changing our vision or our attitude. All other efforts to see a change in the other only brings us more frustration and leads us deeper into the pit we want to desperately get out of.

Though the recipe looks simple, it takes great effort and determination to implement it. But if you genuinely and sincerely put efforts in this direction, you will cherish the result for life!

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Love

Become a Zen Master

Become a Zen Master

 

Become a Zen MasterOur inner depth should be as much as that of the ocean, so we are not fazed by external praise or criticism. For that, we must have love in our heart for others and we must help people. And when we achieve inner depth, the external world’s rewards won’t matter to us as much. – Radhanath Swami

A young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer. The young man demonstrated remarkable technical proficiency when he hit a distant bull’s eye on his first try, and then split that arrow with his second shot. “There,” he said to the old man, “see if you can match that! Undisturbed”, the master did not draw his bow, but rather motioned for the young archer to follow him up the mountain. Curious about the old fellow’s intentions, the champion followed him high into the mountain until they reached a deep chasm spanned by a rather flimsy and shaky log. Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and certainly perilous bridge, the old master picked a faraway tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit. “Now it is your turn,” he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.

Staring with terror into the seemingly bottomless and beckoning abyss, the young man could not force himself to step out onto the log, no less shoot at a target. “You have much skill with your bow,” the master said, sensing his challenger’s predicament, “but you have little skill with the mind that lets loose the shot.”

Externally we might polish our houses and show that everything in our world is alright but when we are put in a provoking situation, we have a tendency to react adversely and let loose shots. We deal with our partners day in and day out and in our dealings we have to see if we are like the young archer or the old master. Do we get carried away easily by flimsy reasons, get hurt or angry at the drop of a hat, get frustrated when our expectations are not met or we have the ability to tolerate provoking situations, to respect each other in all situations, to care for the other and love them unconditionally without allowing the mind to interfere in our relationship?

The Vedic scriptures give a secret formula to develop inner depth and rise above the ordinary, not only in our interactions but also in the quality of our lives. It urges that we are not this body which we deeply identify with but we are spirit souls, part and parcel of the Supreme Lord. When we as partners, together strive to understand this relationship between us & the Supreme Lord and repose our lost love in the Supreme loving Lord, our life rises above the ordinary. Only then, with this full understanding and knowledge, it is possible to situate in the self and tolerate any kind of provoking situation. When we develop this level of tolerance, we automatically evoke affection, respect & love and in this way we can achieve lasting peace and happiness in our married lives.

‘One who is not connected with the Supreme can have neither transcendental intelligence nor a steady mind, without which there is no possibility of peace. And how can there be any happiness without peace?’ (Bhagavad Gita 2.66)

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Tolerate

The Mirror House

The Mirror HouseSpoilt children get everything they want and therefore expect that for the rest of their life everything will go their way. Of course, they don’t get what they want all the time and so they become irritable grown-ups – Radhanath Swami.

Once a happy little dog entered the House of 1000 Mirrors. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging fast. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast. He smiled, and was answered with 1000 smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I’ll visit it often.” Another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, also decided to visit the house to cheer himself up. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see them all growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, I will never come here again.”

After a busy day’s work, with all the physical exhaustion and mental stress, we return back to our homes. How welcome home feels depends on the mood in which we enter it. If we enter disgruntled and irritable, the spouse will catch our mood at least to some extent and home will no longer offer the rest and peace we are looking for. If this happens regularly enough, the thought of home will repel both husband and wife. What a sorry state of affairs would that be! On the other hand, despite the day-long toil, if we enter the house consciously garnering all our jolliness, how admiring would the spouse be? In today’s world, both husband and wife know that the other has busy work schedules. Knowing this well, if even one of the spouses proactively tries to garner the extra strength to be especially nice, what a profound influence would that be on the relationship.

Radhanath Swami explains that a devotee of God is never disheartened by the environment. The temporary environment around us is always changing. Sometimes everything is very favorable at work and home, and sometimes it’s not. We can translate whatever happens in our life into a positive opportunity to make steady spiritual advancement and come closer to God. Whoever we are, things will not always go our way. A true devotee is one who doesn’t complain even when put in the most trying circumstances. Instead, the true devotee moves forward with a grateful heart irrespective of the circumstances.

If we expect that our spouse will tolerate whatever tantrums we throw, then we will suffer. Instead, if we learn to be grateful in all situations, the unwelcome situations in the world would not disturb us too much. We will thus be able to remain joyful. And this joy will nourish the relationship between husband and wife.

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Blog Relationships

Mind Games

Mind Games

Mind Games

We are what we think. Research has proven how our thoughts ultimately define our personality. Medical science also shows close connections of negative thoughts harbored over a long period of time manifesting into disease conditions in the body. They say a healthy body is a reflection of a healthy mind. But the million dollar question is, do we really pay attention to what our mind leads us up to?

Let’s take a closer look at how we deal with our senses. We walk past a butcher shop and the foul smell emanating immediately urges us to hold our breath. We put a spoonful of food in the mouth but if it is spoilt, we spits it out instantaneously. Its Deepavali time and a young boy is bursting a loud sounding cracker, we are quick to close our ears. If a thorn pricks us, we immediately withdraw our leg. Our natural sense of protection is very high when it comes to our gross senses, isn’t it? We choose to smell fragrant things, pleasurable food for the tongue, melodious music for the ears and soft things to touch, but do we have any idea what we choose as food for our mind? I suggest an exercise for you today. Pick up a pen and paper & make two columns-positive & negative. Make a mark for every positive or every negative thought you had in the course of the day. Be your natural self and be honest with yourself. At the end of the day, a look at the paper will reveal what kind of thoughts you are feeding your mind.

In marriage, there is a popular term, its called the seven year itch. The reason is seven years is long enough time for the honeymoon period to wane off, for you to be get your first child and for familiarity to breed in. Radhanath Swami says, ‘In this material world, the more intimate your relationship is, the more you expect that person to be what you want them to be.’ Soon couples find themselves being critical of the other, many times intolerant, judgmental (sometimes of every move or every spoken/unspoken word of the spouse or other family members!), uncaring or demeaning the other’s efforts, cold behavior, blame games, behaving hatefully towards each other (at least in the mind). Accumulating hurt and seeking opportunities to avenge hurt is another engagement of the negative mind. Often our dirty mind coupled with our egoistic inclinations, complicate the situation further. One negative thought normally leads to another, and soon your mind is being bashed with wave after wave of negative thoughts and these accumulated negative thoughts erode the happiness of families and lead them onto a path of destruction.

If you do not do something to stem the tide of negativity running a muck in your mind, it can really hurt the health of your mind, body and your precious relationships. If you genuinely want to rectify this ongoing war-like situation, you have to recognize the problem. To recognize the problem is half the battle won i,e you have to look yourself honestly in the mirror of your heart and see how much of what seems to be the problem has got generated in your ‘mind,’ due to its negative thought pattern and then, accepting or admitting your mind’s role in all of it. Remembering that you are not your mind helps!

For ease of purpose, let me quickly list the various categories of negative thoughts that I found in the medical journal New health partnerships.

 

Overgeneralization. “Always” or “Never” statements – “He never helps me with household work.” “Nobody cares.”

Fortune Telling. Thinking you can predict the future or predict how other people will react. “Only when I die, you will realize my worth.” “My wife’s father is an angry man, so she might have his genes of anger.” 

Focusing on the Negative / Ignoring the Positive. Looking at the bad and not the good. “She didn’t come to my birthday party. She must not like me,” (Ignoring the card she sent.)

Blaming Yourself or Others. “It’s your family’s fault that they didnt teach you good behavior.” “It’s because of my children that I dont have time for myself.” 

All or Nothing. If it’s not a full success, it’s a complete failure. “I wanted to lose 20 pounds and I only lost 10. I just can’t lose weight.”  

Magnifying.“The whole world is against me.” “Self-management would take all my time.” 

Personalizing. If someone’s in a bad mood or something goes wrong, it must be your fault. “Oh, she’s really in a bad mood. What did I say?” 

Many times our negative thought is because of lack of right information. So, before a negative thought occurs, try to evaluate if you have the right & complete information & if you dont have it, seek it. Remember that by jumping to conclusion prematurely, you are harming yourself and creating future stress.

 

One of the magical ways, I’ve found to deal with a negative thought is to nip it in the bud. Its easy to deal with it right at the beginning before it festers into something big & ugly. Right when the first negative thought of the day is coming your way, arrest it and replace it with its positive counterpart. Eg: Replace “oh, a long and stressful day ahead of me.” with “Let me plan this bright and sunny day so that I achieve many things today.” In this way, counter each and every negative thought with a positive one. Voila, at the end of the day, you feel lighter and brighter! A positive framework helps you deal with others better.

 

Throw the negative self-script out of the window and use self-affirmation statements to combat negativity due to low self-esteem. You could write down a statement which counteracts the negative feelings about yourself such as “I am very courageous and can deal with all situations calmly in my life.” and say it to yourself whenever you feel the need. 

Diverting your mind to a better activity is better than suppressing a negative thought as suppressed thoughts are sure to resurface.

 

If there are blocks such as deep hurts that wont let you counter those thoughts, dont give up!  Remind yourself that your mind is tricking you to take shelter in negativity again. So, dont allow your mind to dwell on the hurt or the situation any longer. You have already given it enough time and attention. Move away from your role as a victim. Embrace the art of forgiveness. Realize the true value in forgiving & the changes it can bring in your life. Forgive (in your mind first) and let go of that hurt or still better surrender the hurt to the Lord. Repeat as many times as the thought occurs to you.

 

Finally, go for an early morning walk to freshen your mind and thoughts or join a yoga school or start exercising. Focus on adapting a healthy lifestyle and on getting fitter. Exercise can help you to increase the hormones in your body responsible for happy emotions. You can practice relaxation techniques such as pranayama to release negative thoughts from your mind.

 

In the Bhagavad-Gita, the great archer of all times, Arjuna, is expressing his difficulty in controlling his obstinate mind and Lord Krishna gives him hope by suggesting that by ‘practice’ it is possible. Srila Prabhupada, in the purport to this verse elaborates ‘hearing of the transcendental activities of the Lord is a very powerful transcendental method for purging the mind of all misgivings.’ When we develop a higher taste, the mind naturally detaches itself from all sorts of lower tastes. Let me leave you with this thought, ‘adios!’

– Mrs Preethi Dhiman

…Read Articles in Preethi’s Blog

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Appreciate

United We Stand

United We Stand

“In today’s ‘I’ society, everyone thinks in terms of ‘I’, ‘me’, and ‘mine’. But for people to be happy there has to be unity based on the understanding that everyone requires everyone else” — Radhanath Swami.

On the battlefield, every soldier is completely dependent on all his comrades. When there are thousands of people shooting guns and bombs at him, what can he do alone? His life, his survival, depends on all the others around him. At that time, he does not harbor petty feelings like “I do not like the color of his skin,” or “I do not like the things he eats,” or “I did not like what his wife said to me two years ago.” No. He understands that without the other, he will perish. On the frontlines, everyone is dependent on everyone else.

Similarly, this world is also like a battlefield staging the battles between the good and the evil, sin and piety, sentiments of the religious and the irreligious, love and sectarian hate. Our relationships are tested as the many situations of this world threaten them. At that time, it’s important to understand that we need each other to maintain and fortify our relationships. Without each other’s help and support, the relationship will perish. If we live by this understanding, then we will remain united and stop harboring petty thoughts about our spouse, and instead appreciate just how important our spouse is for us.
Strong relationships come from two things: (i) having each other’s association, and (ii) learning together the science of depending on a power beyond our own.