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Appreciate

Married Life

Audio On Married Life

I have never been married. As a Swami, I will never get married. So I don’t know so much about married life. But because so many married people come to me with their problems, I know too much about married life. Whenever people come to me it’s like they have such a unique secret problem that’s so much their own. But interestingly, almost everyone tells me the same thing…..

–Radhanath Swami

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Appreciate

The Lion loses both

MoroselionIf only we can just appreciate what we have been given, God will reveal Himself to us.

– Radhanath Swami

It was a lovely day in the forest. Kaa Kaa was perched high on the branches of a wild fig tree. A deer quenched its thirst at a nearby waterhole and a rabbit slept peacefully at the foot of the tree. Life seemed good.

Just then a lion came upon and looked at the deer and thought, “Ah, a deer ! What luck ! I’d rather have deer than rabbit for supper.” With a roar and a leap, the lion took off after the deer. The deer panicked and ran for its life. The lion chased in hot pursuit and after several minutes realised that it was a fruitless chase. The deer was swifter and managed to give the lion the slip.

“Brother “, panted the lion. “The deer has escaped. Oh well, never mind. I can still go back to the rabbit.” But it was not the lion’s day.  The rabbit had woken up with the lion and deer commotion and had escaped to a safer location.

It was a hungry lion that went to bed that night. And it was a valuable lesson that Kaa Kaa learnt. That day he told his friends, “If you drop a smaller gain and run after a greater gain, you may end up losing both.”

In short, a bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.

Another lesson: Learn to appreciate your spouse. If you look for a better one, you might end up losing even this one.

 

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The Recruit

The RecruitOne young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed all the interviews and the final interview was with the director who would then make the decision for the young man’s recruitment.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?” the youth answered “none.”

The director asked, ” Was it your father who paid for your school fees?” The youth answered, “My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, ” Where did your mother work?” The youth answered, “My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, ” Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?” The youth answered, “Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, “I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning”.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth’s eyes, asked: ” Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?”

The youth humbly answered, ” I cleaned my mother’s hand, and finished cleaning all the remaining clothes’

The Director asked, “please tell me what you learnt.”

The youth admitted that after cleaning his mother’s hands and helping her, he realized what a tough and selfless life she has led for his sake and thanked the director for having given him an opportunity to appreciate his mother’s sacrifices and the value of family relationships.

The director seemed satisfied. He said,” You are hired.”

Radhanath Swami concludes ‘Where there is necessity, there is deeper appreciation.’ Especially in family relationships, there is a tendency to take the other members of the family for granted and not appreciate their care, love or sacrifices. We must learn to stop by and seek to understand their love and sacrifices for us and learn to appreciate them genuinely and thereby help in building a caring & nurturing atmosphere at home.

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Appreciate

The cookie thief

The cookie theifA woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. . .grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”

With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude, why he didn’t even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

We are often too quick to misjudge people. Especially when we nurture the feeling that we are right, most often than not, we are the wrong one! Whenever we feel we’re right and the other person is wrong, if we give the other person the benefit of doubt, we gain the ability to see through things with more clarity as sooner or later, providence will reveal to us the reality of things around us.

By learning to appreciate people around us and being thankful to circumstances that come upon us, we slowly open the dimension of seeing things as they are! As Radhanath Swami says “Gratitude is to honour, recognize and appreciate everyone and everything for a higher purpose.”

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Always Thankful to God

Always Thankful to GodArthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: “Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease?”

To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over 5 Crore children start playing tennis, 50 Lakh learn to play tennis, 5 Lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD “Why me?” And today in pain I should not be asking GOD “Why me?”

This is so true in our real life situations! Arthur Ashe had the courage to use his intelligence and arrive at the right conclusion but how many of us have the courage to discount blaming God in the face of adversity, rather thank him for every happening in our lives? If we develop an appreciative attitude in life, we can clearly see blessings in every situation of our life, however grave they may externally seem.

In this context, Radhanath Swami says that every situation is an appropriate opportunity to celebrate the glory and mercy of God. Without stopping at that, he further states that gratitude doesn’t means simply saying thank you. Real gratitude means reciprocation. If we are actually grateful to someone, we will reciprocate even if it means great sacrifice. So, in our own life situations we must try to see beyond what the external situation poses but rather develop the divine quality of real gratitude and reciprocate in such gratitude.

 

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Power of Words

Power of WordsToo often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

A group of frogs were hopping contentedly through the woods, going about their froggy business, when two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit to see what could be done to help their companions. When they saw how deep the pit was, the rest of the dismayed group agreed that it was hopeless and told the two frogs in the pit that they should prepare themselves for their fate, because they were as good as dead. Unwilling to accept this terrible fate, the two frogs began to jump with all of their might. Some of the frogs shouted into the pit that it was hopeless, and that the two frogs wouldn’t be in that situation if they had been more careful, more obedient to the froggy rules, and more responsible.

The other frogs continued sorrowfully shouting that they should save their energy and give up, since they were already as good as dead. The two frogs continued jumping as hard as they could, and after several hours of desperate effort were quite weary. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to the calls of his fellows. Spent and disheartened, he quietly resolved himself to his fate, lay down at the bottom of the pit, and died as the others looked on in helpless grief. The other frog continued to jump with every ounce of energy he had, although his body wreaked with pain and he was completely exhausted. His companions began a new, yelling for him to accept his fate, stop the pain and just die. The weary frog jumped harder and harder and – wonder of wonders! Finally leapt so high that he sprang from the pit. Amazed, the other frogs celebrated his miraculous freedom and then gathering around him asked, “Why did you continue jumping when we told you it was impossible?” Reading their lips, the astonished frog explained to them that he was deaf, and that when he saw their gestures and shouting, he thought they were cheering him on. What he had perceived as encouragement inspired him to try harder and to succeed against all odds.

This simple story contains a powerful lesson. Your encouraging and appreciating words can lift someone up and help him or her make it through the day. Your destructive words can cause deep wounds; they may be the weapons that destroy someone’s desire to continue trying – or even their life. You have the power–at all times, to choose your words and your act–never underestimate its influence on the other!

Words and thoughts are energy that carry power, and we need to choose them with care, if we want to progress in any spiritual path. Radhanath Swami says ‘We must fix our words, our actions and our mind on a higher principle to achieve a higher goal.’

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Appreciate

Communicate Perfection

Communicate PerfectionSometimes in marriage we communicate with everyone except the person we are living with. – Radhanath Swami.

Radhanath Swami recounts one of his childhood impressions. Everydayhis mother cooked a loving meal for his father but she thought that her husband didn’t ever like it. So little Radhanath Swami (then Richard) asked his father whether he liked his dinner. His father replied he loved it. Richard asked whether his father has ever told his wife how he liked the dinner? “Well, I think I did… Maybe I didn’t… but she should know Doesn’t she know?”

Generally, spouses take care of fulfilling each other’s physical needs like good housing, clothing, and health. But it’s the lack of emotional care that tends to push marriages off-track. Everyone needs appreciation and encouragement. Each spouse has a responsibility of making the other partner happy by providing him or her a fulfilling life. Mutual respect and care forms the essential framework that supports any successful marriage; mutual affection may come and go. By always clinging on to this framework, the mutual affection can grow into actual deep love connected to the soul.

For example, many ladies think that their husband just doesn’t care for them, that he just doesn’t like anything they do for the husband. But when asked, the husbands say that they really do appreciate their wife a lot, but why should they tell that to her explicitly? Shouldn’t she already know? Radhanth Swami quips that unless the spouse is a mystic, he or she is not going to know how the other spouse feels. Communication is important. Sometimes in marriage the spouses communicate with everyone except the person they live with. Communication amongst spouses is to really express one’s appreciation and affection for each other in encouraging words. Such honest communication is critical for a healthy relationship; the journey of married life can become dreary and unfulfilling otherwise.

Marriage shouldn’t degenerate to a life sentence of tolerance just to respect the vows taken at the time of marriage. A true marriage is dynamic, flowing, and very connected to the divine. Struggles in married life are not depressants, but invigorating spiritual challenges. By  encouraging each other the spouses can face these challenges confidently. Every challenge overcome together takes the spouses to a higher spiritual platform. Indeed, notes Radhanath Swami, such a married life is a path of perfection.