successful marriage | Radhanath Swami | Marriage and Parenting Advice

Remember the Mantra

Beneath the veneer of superficiality if we look, we will rightly understand the situations that come in our life—Radhanath Swami

When we marry our partner, we look forward to an exciting journey of togetherness. At first, we are able to see the other person’s love and care in his/her daily acts and we appreciate it. Every time we appreciate each other, love seems to grow and the happiness seems boundless.

But gradually, with passing time, this infatuation fades away and instead of counting the loving ways of our partner, we catch ourselves counting their intolerable faults and picking up fights based on it. What happened to that ‘exciting journey of togetherness’ that we had dreamt of?

Radhanath Swami says, “Beneath the veneer of superficiality if we look, we will rightly understand the situations that come in our life, especially the conflicts—we will know that they are meant to purify our existence.” In the Vedic marriage ceremony the mantra, “Om apavitra-pavitro-va sarva-vastam gato api va yah smaret pundarikaksham sah bhayabhyantara suchih.” is chanted. In essence, this reveals to us that the purpose of human life as well as the purpose of marriage is to purify our hearts and our existence. When we forget this as the purpose of marriage and see our partner as a mere instrument to satisfy our senses, trouble arises.

The Vedic principle suggests that one must see the spouse as a gift of God for purification from conditioned existence. When we rightly understand this purpose, we are better able to appreciate our partner and weave in happiness once again into the marriage.

“dampatyoh kalaho nasti tatra srih svayam agatah”. When there are no fights between husband and wife, the goddess of fortune automatically comes to the home -Canakya Pandita

Irreconcilable Differences

Sometimes life makes you take such tough decisions. But as they say, when the going gets tough the tough get going. Marriage is definitely for tough people. To make a marriage last, one should have a tough skin and the ability to switch-on and switch-off one’s ears!! There is a joke about a man who was happily married for about 50 years of his life. His friends asked him the secret of his smiling face. He replied that he was hard of hearing from childhood and so he could switch-off his hearing aid whenever he wanted. That’s a smart man. I wish we women also could do something like that. Anyways, jokes apart, one has to slog to make any marriage work.

In the earlier days, couples would stick together no matter what—even if they had irreconcilable differences. Today, these words—irreconcilable differences—are thrown here and there at the drop of a hat—for freedom! But really, can a marriage be broken just based on these words—irreconcilable differences? I would say the couples in the earlier days were more tolerant than those belonging to today’s jet-set world of technology, where everything is fast or instant—fast cars, instant noodles, fast marriages and instant divorce!

Couples today have no time to resolve any issues in marriage patiently. If this was the case with my parents, I would never have a safe and secure childhood; I wouldn’t get the privileged love of both my mother and father; rather, I would be put in the horrible position of deciding which parent I loved most. I feel that is the most painful thing you could ask a child—“Do you love your mother more or your father more?”

– Dr. Sandhya Subramanian

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