sun | Radhanath Swami | Marriage and Parenting Advice

The Rose Within

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, “How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?” Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The good qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential. Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of love: to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life, all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the “rose” within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over. As a great man once said, ‘The most favorable friend to me is that who shows me my flaws’.

Radhanath Swami quotes from the Bhagavad Gita, ‘The Gita tells that every living being is a part of God, just as every ray emanating from the sun is part of the sun. When we discover the love of God that is within our own hearts, we see an inseparable part of God in the heart of every living being—male or female; black or white, Hindu, Muslim or Christian, American or Israeli and only then can we truly love the other ignoring all their faults’.

Wipe It Clean

“If we are eager to find faults in someone, by the Lord’s will, we will see unlimited faults within that person even if there are none. They will appear as glaring as the sun at noon.” – Radhanath Swami.

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they were having breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hang the wash outside. “That laundry is not very clean”, she said, “she doesn’t know how to wash properly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap”. Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About a month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look! She has learned how to wash properly. I wonder who taught her this.” The husband said: “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!”

Sometimes even spouses tend to compete with each other. Even after marriage the spouses think themselves to be independent persons and not part of a two-member team. “The Lord is seated within everyone’s heart and He reciprocates according to our desires”, explains Radhanath Swami. Yes, there is good and bad everywhere. If we are looking for good qualities in our spouse and opportunities to please him or her, the Lord will reveal them to us. But if we are looking for faults, due to envy born out of unnecessary competition, that’s all we will see. In fact, good qualities in the spouse will only make us more envious of them.

Before criticizing the spouse, we should consider the state of our mind. Are we eager to appreciate the spouse for all his or her good work, or are we eager to pass judgments on any little shortcoming? What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. To live a joyful and fulfilling married life, it’s important to clean the window of our heart so that we recognize the good in our partners. The best way of cleaning the window of our heart, wiping it clean of the filth of envy, is to regularly come together and chant the Holy Names of God.