Tag: honest

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Appreciate

Power of Words

Power of Words

Power of WordsToo often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

A group of frogs were hopping contentedly through the woods, going about their froggy business, when two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit to see what could be done to help their companions. When they saw how deep the pit was, the rest of the dismayed group agreed that it was hopeless and told the two frogs in the pit that they should prepare themselves for their fate, because they were as good as dead. Unwilling to accept this terrible fate, the two frogs began to jump with all of their might. Some of the frogs shouted into the pit that it was hopeless, and that the two frogs wouldn’t be in that situation if they had been more careful, more obedient to the froggy rules, and more responsible.

The other frogs continued sorrowfully shouting that they should save their energy and give up, since they were already as good as dead. The two frogs continued jumping as hard as they could, and after several hours of desperate effort were quite weary. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to the calls of his fellows. Spent and disheartened, he quietly resolved himself to his fate, lay down at the bottom of the pit, and died as the others looked on in helpless grief. The other frog continued to jump with every ounce of energy he had, although his body wreaked with pain and he was completely exhausted. His companions began a new, yelling for him to accept his fate, stop the pain and just die. The weary frog jumped harder and harder and – wonder of wonders! Finally leapt so high that he sprang from the pit. Amazed, the other frogs celebrated his miraculous freedom and then gathering around him asked, “Why did you continue jumping when we told you it was impossible?” Reading their lips, the astonished frog explained to them that he was deaf, and that when he saw their gestures and shouting, he thought they were cheering him on. What he had perceived as encouragement inspired him to try harder and to succeed against all odds.

This simple story contains a powerful lesson. Your encouraging and appreciating words can lift someone up and help him or her make it through the day. Your destructive words can cause deep wounds; they may be the weapons that destroy someone’s desire to continue trying – or even their life. You have the power–at all times, to choose your words and your act–never underestimate its influence on the other!

Words and thoughts are energy that carry power, and we need to choose them with care, if we want to progress in any spiritual path. Radhanath Swami says ‘We must fix our words, our actions and our mind on a higher principle to achieve a higher goal.’

Categories
Appreciate

Communicate Perfection

Communicate Perfection

Communicate PerfectionSometimes in marriage we communicate with everyone except the person we are living with. – Radhanath Swami.

Radhanath Swami recounts one of his childhood impressions. Everydayhis mother cooked a loving meal for his father but she thought that her husband didn’t ever like it. So little Radhanath Swami (then Richard) asked his father whether he liked his dinner. His father replied he loved it. Richard asked whether his father has ever told his wife how he liked the dinner? “Well, I think I did… Maybe I didn’t… but she should know Doesn’t she know?”

Generally, spouses take care of fulfilling each other’s physical needs like good housing, clothing, and health. But it’s the lack of emotional care that tends to push marriages off-track. Everyone needs appreciation and encouragement. Each spouse has a responsibility of making the other partner happy by providing him or her a fulfilling life. Mutual respect and care forms the essential framework that supports any successful marriage; mutual affection may come and go. By always clinging on to this framework, the mutual affection can grow into actual deep love connected to the soul.

For example, many ladies think that their husband just doesn’t care for them, that he just doesn’t like anything they do for the husband. But when asked, the husbands say that they really do appreciate their wife a lot, but why should they tell that to her explicitly? Shouldn’t she already know? Radhanth Swami quips that unless the spouse is a mystic, he or she is not going to know how the other spouse feels. Communication is important. Sometimes in marriage the spouses communicate with everyone except the person they live with. Communication amongst spouses is to really express one’s appreciation and affection for each other in encouraging words. Such honest communication is critical for a healthy relationship; the journey of married life can become dreary and unfulfilling otherwise.

Marriage shouldn’t degenerate to a life sentence of tolerance just to respect the vows taken at the time of marriage. A true marriage is dynamic, flowing, and very connected to the divine. Struggles in married life are not depressants, but invigorating spiritual challenges. By  encouraging each other the spouses can face these challenges confidently. Every challenge overcome together takes the spouses to a higher spiritual platform. Indeed, notes Radhanath Swami, such a married life is a path of perfection.


Categories
Blog Relationships

Great Expectations!

Great Expectations!

Great Expectations!Marriage is a hotbed for hidden, unrealistic expectations. Most men and women have deep-seated ideas about how the other should behave in a picture-perfect marriage. Often these expectations are not fully conscious, nor are they completely acknowledged and communicated between spouses. When one spouse begins violating the expectations of the other, however, an all too familiar negative spiral of disappointment, retaliation, and resentment can ensue.

If we’re completely honest, we all came into our marriages with unrealistic expectations, which eventually took us by surprise. Even though this can be both disappointing and frustrating, we don’t have to continually live that way. We can bring out our deep-seated expectations and communicate it to our partners by doing a simple exercise on clarifying mutual expectation.

Exercise: Clarifying Mutual Expectations*

On a sheet of paper make 4 quadrants and write one of these points in each quadrant.

a. I promise to fulfill your following expectations-100%.

(what I think is the other person’s expectation of me)

b. I will try to fulfill your following expectations, but will not be able to promise.

(what i think is the other person’s expectation that I might not be able to fulfill, but will try)

c. In our relationship, I want these promises from you.

(my need & expectations of the other person that I want him/her to fulfill for sure)

d. In our relationship, I expect my following expectations to be fulfilled by you.

(my need and expectations of the other person that may be difficult for the other person to fulfill,
but I want him/her to know and to try to fulfill)

Take about 20 minutes to think and pen down what you value the most to be followed in your marriage, in each of the quadrants. After both of you have completed, exchange the sheets or compare the sheets to find out the other person’s expectations and commitments while you communicate your own commitment and expectations.

You will benefit most when you have the intention of understanding the other person’s expectations and fulfilling it to give happiness to the other person rather than waiting on the other person to fulfill his/her expectation. When all is said and done.

However, you know what–we are likely to be unhappy even when our expectations ARE met! Let me explain. We are most grateful for the good things that come our way that we did not expect to happen. For instance, if you expect your partner to help you with the housework, you will be disappointed, mad, sad, or angry when your partner does not help you with the housework, but you won’t necessarily be grateful when your partner does help with the housework. Depending on your history together, you may be

• Pleased – “I’m glad we’re doing this together.”
• Surprised – “I can’t believe you actually mopped the floor!”
• Justified – “I do my share and you need to do your share.”
• Vindicated – “It’s about time you started pulling your weight!”

Unhappiness is trading what we want MOST for what we want NOW. We want whatever makes us uncomfortable – our anxieties, our insecurities, our challenges – we want that discomfort to go away RIGHT NOW. But deep down, what we want most is to be – more loving, more forgiving, more compassionate, and more grateful. Understand this carefully as this is our secret need and what we generally do is to expect people around us to create space for us to exhibit them and when we do not find opportunities to be more loving, more forgiving, more compassionate or more grateful,

When you are dead tired at the end of the day, and you walk in to find your partner cleaning the kitchen, or putting the kids to bed when you expected her to be home late – that’s when you feel truly grateful – because you were not expecting the help! When we
are truly grateful for something, we cannot help but feel happiness. This is the recipe to a happy married life!

Dennis Prager says it best:
Gratitude is the key to happiness and anything that undermines gratitude must undermine happiness. And nothing undermines gratitude as much as expectations. The more expectations you have, the less gratitude you will have. Expectations and gratitude are opposite sides of the same coin.

Here is another secret–Whatever you focus on, grows. Grow your happiness by lowering your expectations and growing your gratefulness.

The highest secret mantra is revealed by Radhanath Swami. He says that we can lower our expectation by cultivating humility. If we are proud, we feel that we deserve so many good things from others. If we are actually humble, we are grateful for whatever happens and for whatever that comes. He reiterates that when we expect something, then even if we get it, we are not really happy; at the most we experience some flickering pleasure in our mind and senses. But if we feel that we don’t deserve it, and then when we get it, we are grateful and gratitude is real happiness; gratitude is the happiness of the heart.

*Source: Oasis Self-Leadership Education for Community Development

– Mrs. Preethi Dhiman

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