church | Radhanath Swami | Marriage and Parenting Advice

“We become unified when despite all of our diversity we serve one another” – Radhanath Swami

A very nice story illustrates this. A church was facing a tough situation: it was losing its members. So the remaining members approached a very saintly person and asked, “Can you tell us how to build up the church again?” The saint replied, “I cannot tell you how to build up your church, but I can tell you one thing for sure. The messiah has appeared as one of the members of your church. But I cannot tell you who he is.” When the members heard that, each one of them thought that any of the others could be the messiah. So, each one overlooked the faults of the others; after all, any of the other members could be the savior. Consequently, mutual respect amongst them grew, and they started serving each other. As they developed love for each other in this way, the church grew and flourished.

Similarly, in marital relationships, we tend to only notice the faults and differences of opinions of our spouse; we tend to take their good qualities for granted. But by remembering always that our spouse is a beloved child of God, we can train ourselves to overlook the spouse’s faults. Based on this higher principle, we can develop the understanding that the husband and wife can be each other’s “saviors”. Then mutual respect amongst the spouses will grow and the spouses will serve each other while helping each other progress spiritually. The relationship will thus grow and flourish.

Don’t be Childish

The nature of the mind is that sometimes you like each other and sometimes you don’t like each other; sometimes you are angry with each other and sometimes you are happy with each other. This is because the ego is very flickering, the mind is even more flickering, and the senses are all the more flickering — Radhanath Swami

A child may cry for a new toy he sees in the toy store and won’t let you get out of the store unless you buy it. So, you give into its plea and shell out a large amount. The child stops crying and plays with it the whole evening. Next morning you find him uninterested in the toy and he now wants something new to play with! Similarly, our desires are flickering and insatiable. Our mind always tries to seek something new, something different. So, if our relationship is based on these superficial principles such as desires of the mind or the senses or the ego, then our relationship is very superficial, it is without much substance and may soon lose sheen.

Radhanath Swami reminds us that marriage is a sacred event and therefore it is sanctified in a sacred place like a church or a temple. It is to be taken as a priority, above everything else. When we focus on the sacred principle that has brought us together, and harmonize whatever that may come in our lives according to that, our relationship deepens, and is no longer based on the flickering nature of the ego, mind and senses.

‘The embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoyment, though the taste for sense objects remains. But, ceasing such engagements by experiencing a higher taste, he is fixed in consciousness.’ (Bhagavad Gita 2.59)