Category: Tolerate

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A Hole in the fence

A Hole in the fence

A Hole in the fence“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Lord Buddha

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The day passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

In the vedic scriptures, it is said that the source of lust and anger is pride. And in a subtle form, if there is a wrath that means, there must also be pride and lust. These are different expressions of the same attachment within our hearts. Radhanath Swami, therefore, says that we have to go right to the root of the problem which is our material desires and material attachments and only with the help of chanting the Holy Names of the Lord and performing devotional service to the Lord, we can go to the root of that problem and purify our heart. He further elaborates that in the meantime while this purification is taking place, on the external level we must be very careful and tolerate any inclination towards offensive activities.


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Story of the burned toast!

Story of the burned toast!

Article based on from Radhanath Swami‘s Teachings….

Burned toast! - Radhanath Swami & Sacred BondingSuccess in marriage is much more than finding the right person: it is a matter of being the right person!

“When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of bananas, butter, jelly and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite of it! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast and I’ll never forget what he said: ‘Baby, I love burned toast.’ Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, ‘Debbie, your mamma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurts anyone!’

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook either. What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

Take good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of the Lord. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

 

Radhanath Swami has said,

“Human life has independence but when we surrender that to Lord, He will utilize us completely.”

 

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The Fire Extinguisher

The Fire Extinguisher

The Fire ExtinguisherEven pleasant sweet aromatic breezes can cause dry wood to catch fire and destroy the forest. – Radhanath Swami.

A saint asked his disciples, ‘Why do people shout at each other when they are angry? Why shout when the other person is just next to you?’ Disciples gave some answers but none satisfied the saint. Finally the saint explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they need to raise their voice. The angrier they are, the greater the heart-distance, and the stronger they have to shout to make themselves heard.’

Everyone in this material world wants to be a little God – “I am the enjoyer, I am the center, I am the controller”. Such egoistic sentiments are like dry sticks of firewood stacked up inside the heart. With both spouses in this mood, many marital problems start as little fights over trifling disagreements. These trifles are the breezes that rub the ego and produce sparks. And it doesn’t take much time for sparks to cause raging fires. Sometimes, even very sweet aromatic breezes with so many fragrances can somehow cause egos to rub and cause a wild fire.

Radhanath Swami notes that whenever pure spiritual topics are discussed, the participants forget all kinds of material hankering, at least for the time being. Not only that, they give up their envy towards one another, and their anxiety and fear evaporates. In the Bhagavat Gita (10.9), Krishna explains: “the thoughts of My pure devotees always dwell in Me, their lives are devoted in serving Me, and they derive great satisfaction and bliss coming together conversing about Me, discussing about Me, and chanting My names”.

This, then, is the most effective fire extinguisher for the matters of the heart: association of devotees, coming together and discussing God, chanting His names, and inspiring one another to serve Him. This is where real pleasure resides.

The winds of petty disagreements can never ignite a wild fire in the hearts thus drenched by loving sentiments for God and each other. Instead, the soft hearts would easily be able to tolerate the onslaught of stormy disagreements by sticking together in the service of God.

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Embroidery of life!

Embroidery of life!

Embroidery of life! & Radhanath SwamiTo have faith in God’s goodness in trying circumstances opens the door of unlimited grace – Radhanath Swami

There was a little boy, whose mother used to embroider clothes for a living. He once sat at her knee and looked up from the floor and asked her what she was doing. She informed him that she was embroidering. From the underside as he watched her work, he complained that it looked messy. She smiled at him, and said gently to go and play and that when she is done, she will put him on her lap and let him see it from her side. All along, he would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from his view. After some time, his mother called him, “Son, come and sit in my lap.” He was surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower in the garden. He could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then mother said to him, “My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn design on top. I was only following it and when you look at it from my side, you see the complete picture.”

As he grew up, many times through the years whenever he looked up to his Heavenly Father and said, “Father, what are You doing?” it seemed that the Lord answered, “I am embroidering your life.” He would think, “It looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can’t they all be bright?” The Lord seemed to reply, “My child, you go about your business and one day I will bring you back to me and put you on lap and you will see the plan from My side.”

Radhanath Swami says, The ability to see God’s plan behind everything that happens in our life is very difficult; especially when things don’t work according to our plans. He further reiterates that it requires humility to accept that we are not the doers! Similarly in our married lives when we accept difficulties as a situation specially created for us such that one day we can enjoy the embroidery of life, and learn to tolerate, we become enabled to deal with many a trying circumstance and one day when we see the big picture, the entanglements of life appear on the distant other side.

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Put It Down!

Put It Down!

Put It Down!The power to forgive is the sign of real inner strength and integrity – Radhanath Swami.

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students,’ How much do you think this glass weighs?’ ’50gms!’…. ‘100gms!’…..’125gms’…the students answered.

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes? ‘Nothing’ the students said. ‘Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?’ the professor asked. ‘Your arm would begin to ache’ said one of the students.

You’re right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?’ ‘Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!’ ventured another student and all the students laughed. ‘Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?’ asked the professor. ‘No’ ‘Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?’ ‘Put the glass down!’ said one of the students.

We have seen many marriages marred by old scars of misunderstandings and unmet expectations. Just like young kids, young relationships are also very impressionable. Before the strong bond of camaraderie has formed between the spouses, any little
point can scratch the relationship. And if the little wound is not nursed and the emotional bleeding not arrested immediately, the innocuous looking episode can lead to permanent scars. Scars don’t hurt physically, but their very sight reminds us of the episode that caused them; and that hurts, over and over again, forever.

The professor just taught the students a priceless lesson. Put it down! Don’t carry the day’s small disagreements on your mind for days. Perhaps your spouse was harsh today, perhaps he or she needled your weak spot. That doesn’t make him or her your worst enemy. Yes, it hurt, but talk it out and get done with it. If not addressed immediately, you will find yourself referring to this one old silly incident years afterwards. Years of carrying it would have artificially blown up the issue out of proportions – just as the glass’s weight “increased” after holding it for long.

Radhanath Swami explains that the nature of the mind is that it’s never satisfied. The mind can’t tolerate any little opposition. It expects more and more from the partner. And the more you expect, the more you suffer. Humility is the divine virtue that brings gratitude and inner satisfaction. It bestows the sublime quality of forgiveness. As long as we hold grudges against people who we think have done something wrong to us, that hard feeling is like a fire that burns our very soul. It is miserable to hold grudges against our spouse.

Radhanath Swami concludes: Forgiveness is real power. Holding grudges is a sign of weakness and cripple-mindedness. The power to forgive is the sign of real inner strength and integrity.

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Freedom to Fly

 

Freedom to FlyTolerance is one of the most important quality in a human being. It really needs courage to be tolerant in provoking situations. – Radhanath Swami

In married life, often times people give up, they separate or divorce. Well, they separate because they just cannot tolerate each other anymore. They become intolerant, they cannot see each other’s face, it becomes too disturbing and difficult to endure a living with the other.

There is a story of a man who pitied the butterfly’s struggle when it was forcing its body through a little hole of its cocoon. When it didn’t seem to make any progress, unable to bear its struggle, he snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon with a pair of scissors. Then, though the butterfly came out quickly, it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. It came out prematurely and had to spend the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that its struggle to get out of the cocoon was God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Similarly, though we may not realize, our struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God gave us some struggle in life, we must accept it with the understanding that He is giving us the opportunity to become a beautiful butterfly with freedom from the cocoon, at the end if it. If we prematurely snip off the difficulties without enduring them, it would only leave us crippled.

Radhanath Swami says that there will be many storms in our life, but if, even in the impossible helpless situations, we endure it all and maintain our faith in the Lord, then that very storm will cleanse our heart.

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The Mirror House

The Mirror HouseSpoilt children get everything they want and therefore expect that for the rest of their life everything will go their way. Of course, they don’t get what they want all the time and so they become irritable grown-ups – Radhanath Swami.

Once a happy little dog entered the House of 1000 Mirrors. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging fast. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast. He smiled, and was answered with 1000 smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I’ll visit it often.” Another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, also decided to visit the house to cheer himself up. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see them all growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, I will never come here again.”

After a busy day’s work, with all the physical exhaustion and mental stress, we return back to our homes. How welcome home feels depends on the mood in which we enter it. If we enter disgruntled and irritable, the spouse will catch our mood at least to some extent and home will no longer offer the rest and peace we are looking for. If this happens regularly enough, the thought of home will repel both husband and wife. What a sorry state of affairs would that be! On the other hand, despite the day-long toil, if we enter the house consciously garnering all our jolliness, how admiring would the spouse be? In today’s world, both husband and wife know that the other has busy work schedules. Knowing this well, if even one of the spouses proactively tries to garner the extra strength to be especially nice, what a profound influence would that be on the relationship.

Radhanath Swami explains that a devotee of God is never disheartened by the environment. The temporary environment around us is always changing. Sometimes everything is very favorable at work and home, and sometimes it’s not. We can translate whatever happens in our life into a positive opportunity to make steady spiritual advancement and come closer to God. Whoever we are, things will not always go our way. A true devotee is one who doesn’t complain even when put in the most trying circumstances. Instead, the true devotee moves forward with a grateful heart irrespective of the circumstances.

If we expect that our spouse will tolerate whatever tantrums we throw, then we will suffer. Instead, if we learn to be grateful in all situations, the unwelcome situations in the world would not disturb us too much. We will thus be able to remain joyful. And this joy will nourish the relationship between husband and wife.