Category: Love

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Love

Paint my World with Love

Paint my World with Love

Paint my World with LoveLove means reciprocation – Radhanath Swami

A millionaire was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted many physicians and medical experts; he consumed heavy drugs, took injections but his ache persisted with greater vigor than before. At last a monk who was an expert in treating such patients was called for. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and to take care not to see any other colors. The millionaire hired a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall on be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.

When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire’s servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master sees some other color and his eye ache would prop back.

Hearing this the monk laughed and said “If only you had bought a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these buildings, walls, trees, etc., and also could have saved a large part of your fortune. You cannot paint the world green!”

If only the millionaire had changed his vision, the world would have appeared accordingly to him, instead he was foolishly trying to change the world to suit his vision which is not only a daunting task but also an impossible one.

Similarly, like the foolish millionaire, we are also constantly trying to change others around us, especially our spouses, to suit our requirements! Changing the color of objects is by far an easier task than changing people and their attitude. People need inspiration, not manipulation. People need love, not directives. The best way we can change someone is when we change our attitude towards them.

Radhanath Swami offers a simple recipe: If you want your spouse to listen to you, you listen to their heart’s needs. If you want to be cared for, you start caring for your spouse. If you want your spouse to love you, you start giving love. Remember, love is seen in actions more than in words! Love means reciprocation. We can start the chain of loving reciprocation’s by changing our vision or our attitude. All other efforts to see a change in the other only brings us more frustration and leads us deeper into the pit we want to desperately get out of.

Though the recipe looks simple, it takes great effort and determination to implement it. But if you genuinely and sincerely put efforts in this direction, you will cherish the result for life!

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Love

Become a Zen Master

Become a Zen Master

 

Become a Zen MasterOur inner depth should be as much as that of the ocean, so we are not fazed by external praise or criticism. For that, we must have love in our heart for others and we must help people. And when we achieve inner depth, the external world’s rewards won’t matter to us as much. – Radhanath Swami

A young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer. The young man demonstrated remarkable technical proficiency when he hit a distant bull’s eye on his first try, and then split that arrow with his second shot. “There,” he said to the old man, “see if you can match that! Undisturbed”, the master did not draw his bow, but rather motioned for the young archer to follow him up the mountain. Curious about the old fellow’s intentions, the champion followed him high into the mountain until they reached a deep chasm spanned by a rather flimsy and shaky log. Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and certainly perilous bridge, the old master picked a faraway tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit. “Now it is your turn,” he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.

Staring with terror into the seemingly bottomless and beckoning abyss, the young man could not force himself to step out onto the log, no less shoot at a target. “You have much skill with your bow,” the master said, sensing his challenger’s predicament, “but you have little skill with the mind that lets loose the shot.”

Externally we might polish our houses and show that everything in our world is alright but when we are put in a provoking situation, we have a tendency to react adversely and let loose shots. We deal with our partners day in and day out and in our dealings we have to see if we are like the young archer or the old master. Do we get carried away easily by flimsy reasons, get hurt or angry at the drop of a hat, get frustrated when our expectations are not met or we have the ability to tolerate provoking situations, to respect each other in all situations, to care for the other and love them unconditionally without allowing the mind to interfere in our relationship?

The Vedic scriptures give a secret formula to develop inner depth and rise above the ordinary, not only in our interactions but also in the quality of our lives. It urges that we are not this body which we deeply identify with but we are spirit souls, part and parcel of the Supreme Lord. When we as partners, together strive to understand this relationship between us & the Supreme Lord and repose our lost love in the Supreme loving Lord, our life rises above the ordinary. Only then, with this full understanding and knowledge, it is possible to situate in the self and tolerate any kind of provoking situation. When we develop this level of tolerance, we automatically evoke affection, respect & love and in this way we can achieve lasting peace and happiness in our married lives.

‘One who is not connected with the Supreme can have neither transcendental intelligence nor a steady mind, without which there is no possibility of peace. And how can there be any happiness without peace?’ (Bhagavad Gita 2.66)

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Love

Love, the eternal reality

Love, the eternal reality

Love, the eternal realityThe soul is pleasure seeking and the soul needs love and the soul suffers when that love is frustrated- Radhanath Swami

In this world, the most satisfying, loving relationships are not the romantic affairs that we see in the movies, because that kind of love or relationship does not last long. The real pleasure of the heart comes through real love. What is this love? Love is defined in the Caitanya Charitamrita (the most acclaimed biography of Lord Chaitanya) as the complete giving of the heart for the pleasure of the object of our love – through sacrifice and dedication. That deep propensity to love is within the heart of every living being because it is that love which is the only eternal reality. But, when we come under the influence of our own false ego (ahankar), we’re seeking the pleasure that that love brings us through our own selfish pursuits. Such affection in which we try to enjoy for ourselves is called kama or lust. It’s the material principle. It’s just like a blazing fire that can never be satisfied. As long as we keep feeding the fire of the burning desire for enjoyment by trying to enjoy for ourselves, the hungrier it grows but real love is unconditional and unmotivated.

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color, drank it all. It happened to be a medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified, how could she face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. The husband just said, “I am with you.” He acted thoughtfully. The child was dead. He can never be brought back to life. There was no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Unconditional love is a very high and pure platform. To get there we have to honestly begin from where we are. The beginning of love is to do what the beloved wants. – Radhanath Swami

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Love

Our Actions mirror us!

Our Actions mirror us!Our actions mirror us. They bring back what we give out. If we give out love and care, it brings back love & care to us. If we give out hatred and intolerance, it brings back hatred and intolerance. So, check and correct your own actions and see how favorable results await you. – Radhanath Swami

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in- law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly. Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer and she decided to do something about it!

Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem at oncel. Mr.Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, ‘Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.’ Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li- Li, ‘You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her everyday from now on. ‘Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.’ Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in- law.

Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law everyday. She remembered what Mr.Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like a queen. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months and she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li too changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, ‘Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.’ Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. ‘Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.’

Dealing with negativity in a positive way is called tolerance. – Radhanath Swami

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Love

The Imposter

The Imposter“When there is love in our heart, only love will come out” — Radhanath Swami

Lasting relationships are based on love. And yet, why do so many loving relationships see unhappy endings? It’s not because love was lost, but because it was never really love; it was the look-alike, i.e., lust.

The difference between lust and love is that one is selfish while the other is selfless. Lust is based on ignorance and love on truth. Under the misconception that they are mere physical bodies, many lovers seek from their partners sensations that give pleasure to their own bodies. This is selfish lust, because the goal is one’s own pleasure. The proof of such selfishness is that as soon as the partner stops providing enough pleasure, the so-called love vanishes.

But real love is selfless. It’s about giving, not taking; it’s about the beloved, not the lover. True love is based on the truth that we are not mere physical bodies. We are eternal souls residing within our bodies. The eternal nature of the soul is to love God and all His children selflessly. When we understand this eternal nature of the soul, and when we experience the sublime pleasure of giving ourselves selflessly to reach the soul of an­other, then we know what true love is.

“When our desires get disconnected from eternal truth, they become lust. But when our desires get reunited with eternal truth, all of them become an ex­pression of true love.” — Radhanath Swami.

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Love

Give to Get

Give to Get“Love is the process of conquering and getting conquered” – Radhanath Swami.

Relationships can sometimes become dry. Very often the reason is simple: the watering of the relationship has stopped. For relationships to grow, they need to be watered by care, affection, and time. For some reason or the other, e.g. busy work schedules, if the husband and wife are not able to get enough time to reciprocate with each other, the relationship begins to dry up. The partners, even if living under the same roof, start feeling lonely, unloved.

If we do not feel loved, it’s probably because we are not showing love enough. If we do not feel respected, it is probably because we are not showing respect enough. Human nature is to reciprocate. If we are impersonal, mechanical and shallow in our dealings with our spouse, then he or she will just reflect back the same sentiments. If we do not show care and affection, he or she will be indifferent too. This is human nature. Our behavior towards others withdraws certain qualities. If we insult others, we draw out their anger. If we praise others, we might draw out their pride. But if we are affectionate to others, we can draw out affection. The fix is to proactively be the person we want the other to be.

“I have not found anyone who is caring, loving, and affectionate, but who has still not received love in return. In giving, we receive.” — Radhanath Swami.

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Love

Stormy Happiness

“We are not made for each other, we are made for God!” – Radhanath Swami.

Happiness in ChoasA king once offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Of the many entries, he shortlisted two. One was of a calm lake, a perfect mirror for the blue sky, fluffy clouds, and the towering mountains all around. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But on a closer look the king saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In that bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of rushing angry waters, sat the mother bird on the nest—in perfect peace. The second picture won. The king explained that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.

“Material life is about expectations,” Radhanath Swami notes. The more intimate the relationship, the more we expect from it. Marriage is the most intimate relationship. In the beginning it appears that both partners are willing to do anything for each other. They fall madly in love. It’s a romantic affair: “we are made for each other”; “our marriage was made in heaven”. But many times, the spouses expect the other half to be exactly what they want him or her to be. But nobody is what you want him or her to be. Due to unreasonable expectations from each other, the relationship can become stormy. Actually, we are not really made for each other, but we are made for God!

The material aspect of married life can be a source of great suffering. But if we have a higher purpose for being together, the struggle becomes meaningful. The highest purpose is cooperating together to serve and glorify God. Radhanath Swami explains, “Even if we put God in the center, the material aspect of married life can still cause suffering. But, amazingly, if God is in the center of the relationship, the typical relationship struggles will bring the two spouses closer to God”. When that happens, there will be real happiness, spiritual happiness.

Thus, despite occasional storms in the relationship, the spouses can find immense peace and happiness if only they keep God in the center.