Tag: radhanath swami

Categories
Appreciate

Power of Words

Power of Words

Power of WordsToo often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

A group of frogs were hopping contentedly through the woods, going about their froggy business, when two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit to see what could be done to help their companions. When they saw how deep the pit was, the rest of the dismayed group agreed that it was hopeless and told the two frogs in the pit that they should prepare themselves for their fate, because they were as good as dead. Unwilling to accept this terrible fate, the two frogs began to jump with all of their might. Some of the frogs shouted into the pit that it was hopeless, and that the two frogs wouldn’t be in that situation if they had been more careful, more obedient to the froggy rules, and more responsible.

The other frogs continued sorrowfully shouting that they should save their energy and give up, since they were already as good as dead. The two frogs continued jumping as hard as they could, and after several hours of desperate effort were quite weary. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to the calls of his fellows. Spent and disheartened, he quietly resolved himself to his fate, lay down at the bottom of the pit, and died as the others looked on in helpless grief. The other frog continued to jump with every ounce of energy he had, although his body wreaked with pain and he was completely exhausted. His companions began a new, yelling for him to accept his fate, stop the pain and just die. The weary frog jumped harder and harder and – wonder of wonders! Finally leapt so high that he sprang from the pit. Amazed, the other frogs celebrated his miraculous freedom and then gathering around him asked, “Why did you continue jumping when we told you it was impossible?” Reading their lips, the astonished frog explained to them that he was deaf, and that when he saw their gestures and shouting, he thought they were cheering him on. What he had perceived as encouragement inspired him to try harder and to succeed against all odds.

This simple story contains a powerful lesson. Your encouraging and appreciating words can lift someone up and help him or her make it through the day. Your destructive words can cause deep wounds; they may be the weapons that destroy someone’s desire to continue trying – or even their life. You have the power–at all times, to choose your words and your act–never underestimate its influence on the other!

Words and thoughts are energy that carry power, and we need to choose them with care, if we want to progress in any spiritual path. Radhanath Swami says ‘We must fix our words, our actions and our mind on a higher principle to achieve a higher goal.’

Categories
Tolerate

A Hole in the fence

A Hole in the fence

A Hole in the fence“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Lord Buddha

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The day passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

In the vedic scriptures, it is said that the source of lust and anger is pride. And in a subtle form, if there is a wrath that means, there must also be pride and lust. These are different expressions of the same attachment within our hearts. Radhanath Swami, therefore, says that we have to go right to the root of the problem which is our material desires and material attachments and only with the help of chanting the Holy Names of the Lord and performing devotional service to the Lord, we can go to the root of that problem and purify our heart. He further elaborates that in the meantime while this purification is taking place, on the external level we must be very careful and tolerate any inclination towards offensive activities.


Categories
Blog Relationships

What a woman wants

What a woman wants

What a woman wantsA friend called me the other day and confided in me that she is exasperated and is at her wits ends and does not know what to do. She seemed quite depressed as well. So, I asked her to come over for a chat. She grabbed the proposal and was at my door in an hour’s time. When we sat down to speak, all she managed was to cry and much later she told me, ‘my husband, he just does not care to listen to me!’ The poor woman, I realized, had such pent up emotions locked up within herself, which had never found a vent.

A woman needs emotional support from her husband as much as he needs physical intimacy from his wife. A couple needs to strike a balance by meeting each of their needs. A woman can read cues from her husband’s actions and behavior and know his needs exactly but where she goes wrong is in expecting the husband to read her actions and behavior to know her needs and fulfill it. Irrespective of the number of years in marriage, the husband is unable to know ‘what the woman really wants?’ Its a big mystery for him
because it is not his area of expertise, so to say, to read the ‘mind’ of his wife and so he draws a blank, everytime he attempts to fulfill his wife’s need.

To make matters worse, a woman is not enabled to be articulate about her needs, so, she ‘expects’ her husband to know it somehow and when the need is not fulfilled, one can expect an emotional outburst which is generally termed as ‘anger.’ Remember, she has been created an emotional being and therefore, she looks for emotional fulfillment but when she does not find it, the emotions are bottled up and when it reaches the brim, it has to burst out. has to vent out her bottled up emotions unless ofcourse she has a very fulfilling and satisfactory relationship with her husband.

I have a question for all the husbands here. What do you do when your wife bursts out crying during a discussion/ argument?

Well, most likely the wife expects some emotional support from her husband and the plea comes in form of tears but what happens is that generally the man does not know how to deal with emotions. Whenever he is put in an emotionally charged situation, he would like to be left alone. So thinking, he walks away, imagining it to be the best solution. He hardly knows that her tears are in the first place because of feeling ‘alone,’ and if he walks away from her now, she will feel more alone and depressed.

Digging a little deeper, we find that, as little boys they are constantly fed the idea that crying is silly behavior. So, men grow up with this wrong notion and by the time they enter wedlock, their emotional side has mostly eased out of them. They also do not have much training in how they can deal with other’s emotions. Men may think that they can do without this skill but trust me this skill will help you keep your marriage going! This is true because, when a woman finds an emotionally supportive husband, she does wonders to her marriage. You not only gain her confidence and loyalty automatically but you will that she will walk that extra mile to please you, keep the house neat and tidy, bring up the kids in a loving atmosphere, cook nice meals for the family, respect your parents and support you in all your endeavors. Who does not want such a wife? But it will all be yours with a little investment into finding out what pleases your wife the most by addressing her emotional needs.

Do you remember a time when you sat beside your wife, wiped her tears dry and consoled her with sweet words of reassurance that she will always find you besides her whenever she needs you the most. When was the last time you did it? Let me guess, probably when you met her first! And why did you do that? Because it pleased her the most when you said it. Isn’t it? So, what stops you from doing it now? Think deeply about it & you could solve a major jigsaw puzzle in your life!

Every woman’s emotional need is different. To make matters simple for you, I have listed down 3 broad categories of what a woman wants the most from her husband (not in any particular order of priority). This has been culled out of Willard F. Harley, Jr.‘s international best selling book ‘His Needs Her Needs’ wherein he lists out his widely researched emotional needs of spouses and provides a questionnaire to find out your most important emotional need and how effective your spouse is in dealing with this need.

1. Conversation (talking about events of the day, personal feelings, and plans for the future; showing interest in her favorite topics of conversation; balancing conversation; using it to inform, investigate, and understand her) Conversation has three most vital aspects to it-

a. Listening: Just listen to her! Listen and not wait for your turn to talk. Most women just want to be heard, not advised. And most men want to fix, rather than do nothing. So the idea of providing “support” by plain listening, as women want can be difficult to grasp. When she is sharing her day today happenings etc, she doesn’t want you to solve her problems or tell her how to handle it, she just needs you to listen and be sympathetic.
b. Undivided attention (Stop talking to your spouse or answering her questions while answering to an email or while reading the newspaper or while answering another phone call. Donot multi-task! Sit down and look her in the face and actively listen.)
c. Being non-judgmental She needs to know you will not feel or think differently about her for expressing herself. Provide her that forum.

2. Affection & intimacy (the expression of love in words and action, creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses love free from the distinctively sensual element. Creating an intimate space to brings about a sense of fulfillment and feeling of togetherness-need not be sensual).

3. Domestic Support (creation of a home environment for you that offers a refuge from the stresses of life; management of the home and care of the children— including but not limited to cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, housecleaning etc).

Other needs listed in his book include Admiration, Family Commitment, Financial Support, Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Honesty & openness, An Attractive Spouse. You can find the questionnaire at http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf

You can research along with your spouse on her most important emotional needs and work out a commitment plan either stated or unstated and work towards a more healthier married life! Trust me, the very fact that you are genuinely interested in knowing her emotional needs will get her immediately on your side.

Radhanath Swami often gets the newly married couple promise each other that the wife will always be on the side of her husband and the husband will never see a tear in his wife’s eye. He adds that love means to serve and to serve means to please. So, when we serve each other by pleasing each other in our marriage, our home becomes Vaikuntha.

On a secondary note, men are entitled to their emotions–to feel and to express them as well. It does not make you less manly if you do, rather it goes a long way in creating a more beautiful relationship in your marriage.

– Mrs. Preethi Dhiman

…Read Articles in preethi’s Blog

Categories
Appreciate

Communicate Perfection

Communicate Perfection

Communicate PerfectionSometimes in marriage we communicate with everyone except the person we are living with. – Radhanath Swami.

Radhanath Swami recounts one of his childhood impressions. Everydayhis mother cooked a loving meal for his father but she thought that her husband didn’t ever like it. So little Radhanath Swami (then Richard) asked his father whether he liked his dinner. His father replied he loved it. Richard asked whether his father has ever told his wife how he liked the dinner? “Well, I think I did… Maybe I didn’t… but she should know Doesn’t she know?”

Generally, spouses take care of fulfilling each other’s physical needs like good housing, clothing, and health. But it’s the lack of emotional care that tends to push marriages off-track. Everyone needs appreciation and encouragement. Each spouse has a responsibility of making the other partner happy by providing him or her a fulfilling life. Mutual respect and care forms the essential framework that supports any successful marriage; mutual affection may come and go. By always clinging on to this framework, the mutual affection can grow into actual deep love connected to the soul.

For example, many ladies think that their husband just doesn’t care for them, that he just doesn’t like anything they do for the husband. But when asked, the husbands say that they really do appreciate their wife a lot, but why should they tell that to her explicitly? Shouldn’t she already know? Radhanth Swami quips that unless the spouse is a mystic, he or she is not going to know how the other spouse feels. Communication is important. Sometimes in marriage the spouses communicate with everyone except the person they live with. Communication amongst spouses is to really express one’s appreciation and affection for each other in encouraging words. Such honest communication is critical for a healthy relationship; the journey of married life can become dreary and unfulfilling otherwise.

Marriage shouldn’t degenerate to a life sentence of tolerance just to respect the vows taken at the time of marriage. A true marriage is dynamic, flowing, and very connected to the divine. Struggles in married life are not depressants, but invigorating spiritual challenges. By  encouraging each other the spouses can face these challenges confidently. Every challenge overcome together takes the spouses to a higher spiritual platform. Indeed, notes Radhanath Swami, such a married life is a path of perfection.


Categories
Love

Our greatest enemy

Our greatest enemy

Our greatest enemyIn the heart that harbors the weed of selfish greed, the flower of love cannot survive. However, to conquer one’s envy, lust and greed, now that is truly monumental – Radhanath Swami

In a certain place, the fishermen were catching fish. A kite swooped down and snatched a fish. At the sight of the fish, about twenty crows chased the kite and made a great noise with their cawing. Whichever way the kite flew with the fish, the crows followed it. The kite flew to the south and the crows followed it there. The kite flew to the north and still the crows followed after
it. The kite went east and west, but the crows chased it nevertheless. As the kite began to fly about in confusion, it got tired and let go of the fish from its mouth. The crows at once let the kite alone and flew after the fish. Thus relieved of its worries, the kite sat on the branch of a tree and thought, “That wretched fish was the root of all my troubles. I have now gotten rid of it and therefore I am at peace.” As long as a man has the fish, that is, lusty desires, he must perform actions and consequently suffer from worry, anxiety and restlessness. No sooner does he renounce these lusty desires than his troubles fade away and he enjoys peace of the soul. The kite cannot live without the fish, for it needs the fish to survive. But luckily for us, there is no such compulsion, as we can survive without lust. However, when we learn that lusty desires and suffering come bundled together in a take-it-or-leave-it package, we are exposed to a choice. What we choose thereafter leads us to the path of suffering or onto the path of liberation and eternal bliss. The choice is ours!

Lord Krishna tells us in the Bhagavad-gita that, “It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material mode of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring sinful enemy of this world.”

An enemy to whom you show kindness becomes your friend,excepting lust, the indulgence of which increases its enmity – Saadi

Categories
Love

God Loves You

God Loves You

God Loves YouIf we have love of God in our life, it really does not matter whether we don’t have anything or whether we have everything; we will be satisfied because of that love.- Radhanath Swami

A well-known speaker started off his public speech in a strange manner – by holding up a Rupee 1000 Note! Holding up the Note high in the air in one of his hands, he addressed the curious audience, “Who would like this Rupee 1000 Note?”

With great cheer almost all of them raised their hands & shouted, “I want it,” “I want it”!! He said, “Oh! That’s nice. Well, I am going to give this note to one of you… But, first let me do this.” Then, he crumpled the Note in his hands vigorously & now he showed the awkwardly wrinkled 1000 Rupee Note by holding up high in his hand and asked everyone, “Who still wants it?” The same hands went up in the air this time too. “Well”, he replied, “What if I do this?” and he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe like a mad man. It seemed he was deriving great pleasure in his unusual act. He picked up the note, by now all crumpled and dirty. It was so smudgy that no one could recognize it now as a 1000 Rupee Note. He said “Now, who still wants it?” Strangely, despite the condition of the note, all the hands were up in the air with equal cheer & spirit.

Now, he addressed his audience with great feeling. “My friends,” he said, “You have all learned a very valuable lesson today. No matter what I did to this valuable Note, all of you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth the same – Rs.1000/-.”

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt of shame & insult by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come in our way in our dealings with people, especially loved ones. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your inherent value for God loves you just the way you are!