A millionaire was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted many physicians and medical experts; he consumed heavy drugs, took injections but his ache persisted with greater vigor than before. At last a monk who was an expert in treating such patients was called for. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and to take care not to see any other colors. The millionaire hired a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall on be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire’s servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master sees some other color and his eye ache would prop back.
Hearing this the monk laughed and said “If only you had bought a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these buildings, walls, trees, etc., and also could have saved a large part of your fortune. You cannot paint the world green!”
If only the millionaire had changed his vision, the world would have appeared accordingly to him, instead he was foolishly trying to change the world to suit his vision which is not only a daunting task but also an impossible one.
Similarly, like the foolish millionaire, we are also constantly trying to change others around us, especially our spouses, to suit our requirements! Changing the color of objects is by far an easier task than changing people and their attitude. People need inspiration, not manipulation. People need love, not directives. The best way we can change someone is when we change our attitude towards them.
Radhanath Swami offers a simple recipe: If you want your spouse to listen to you, you listen to their heart’s needs. If you want to be cared for, you start caring for your spouse. If you want your spouse to love you, you start giving love. Remember, love is seen in actions more than in words! Love means reciprocation. We can start the chain of loving reciprocation’s by changing our vision or our attitude. All other efforts to see a change in the other only brings us more frustration and leads us deeper into the pit we want to desperately get out of.
Though the recipe looks simple, it takes great effort and determination to implement it. But if you genuinely and sincerely put efforts in this direction, you will cherish the result for life!