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Appreciate

Cracked Pot

Cracked Pot - Radhanath SwamiHuman nature is that everyone essentially wants to love and be loved. If we show affection people open up and we can disarm them of their prejudices against us. – Radhanath Swami

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he used to fetch water. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. The walk from stream to his house was long and the cracked pot arrived only half full. For two full years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made but the cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out. Because of my flaws, even though you do hardwork, you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? Because I have always known about your flaw, I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house!

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots but the key is to check if our attitude is like the water bearer or that of the proud pot. If we notice only cracks in others and fail to recognize their unique abilities, we will not only make the other person feel miserable but also make our own lives miserable. But inspite of our differences when we learn to appreciate each other, the relationship grows to a deeper level and life together becomes more beautiful. When we learn to look for only the good in others and appreciate it, we empower them to do good and look for good in us as well as others. Radhanath Swami believes that truly appreciating the other overlooking his/her flaw is a divine quality, it means overlooking our own egoistic tendencies and looking for purity in the other person and inadvertently we purify ourselves.

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Appreciate

Love in marriage?

Love in marriage?Scene 1: (morning)

Wife to husband: I am going to throw the rubbish, why are you still reading the newspaper? Arent you getting late for office? [I asked him to throw the rubbish, he simply doesnt care to help me!]

Husband: Is the breakfast ready? [Everyday I have to remind her that I have to leave office by 8.00am. I’m always reaching office late!]

Wife: Breakfast is there on the table. Please help yourself as I have to throw the rubbish now. [when I ask him to do some work, he immediately picks a reason to bash me up]

Husband: Cant you do that later and serve me breakfast instead? What is this, Upma again? [Aman always tells how nicely his wife serves him everyday]

Wife: Do you have anything else except complaints for me? [I am fed up. What happened to all the love he was proclaiming he had for me after our marriage?]

Husband: Look, don’t start off another duel of words early in the morning. My whole day gets spoilt. Its an important day for me at work. [I better leave now, before another war of words starts. I have to call Raman and ask him to check on the meeting preparations].

Wife: If work is the most important thing for you in your life, why did you marry me? [feels hurt & breaks down]

Husband: I dont have time for this now, I’m leaving! [angrily slams the door as he’s
leaving]

Scene 2: (morning)

Wife to husband: Oh dear, will you please throw the rubbish. If I dont start making the dosas now, you’ll get late.

Husband: Sure dear..anything for you and your simply wonderful dosas!

Wife: [Smiles] Stop flattering me! oh! I forgot completely that its an important day for you at work today. You get ready dear and I will throw the rubbish later.

Husband: Thanks Uma. You are so understanding, it takes the pressure off me! I’ll come early this evening and let’s go for our long forgotten walk in the park, what say?

Wife: [All happy] Okey-dokey! Breakfast is ready!

Husband: I’m more ready!

[both share a good laugh]

The secret to happiness and love in marriage, Radhanath Swami says is when there is culture of service and appreciation. Srimad Bhagavatam identifies the major enemies that attack us from within and pit us against one another as lust, pride, envy, greed, sinful activities and vanity. By learning to subdue these enemies within ourselves, we become happy and peaceful in our marriage relationships, and indeed in all of our relationships. These enemies can gradually be subdued by spiritual practices, such as chanting the holy names of the Lord.

“In everyday life, our relationships with one another are practice for the divine relationships we will eventually experience. The quality of our interactions indicates how well we are preparing ourselves for association with the Supreme Lord.”(HH Bhaktitirtha Swami)

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Appreciate

Wipe It Clean

Wipe It Clean“If we are eager to find faults in someone, by the Lord’s will, we will see unlimited faults within that person even if there are none. They will appear as glaring as the sun at noon.” – Radhanath Swami.

 

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they were having breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hang the wash outside. “That laundry is not very clean”, she said, “she doesn’t know how to wash properly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap”. Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About a month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look! She has learned how to wash properly. I wonder who taught her this.” The husband said: “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!”

Sometimes even spouses tend to compete with each other. Even after marriage the spouses think themselves to be independent persons and not part of a two-member team. “The Lord is seated within everyone’s heart and He reciprocates according to our desires”, explains Radhanath Swami. Yes, there is good and bad everywhere. If we are looking for good qualities in our spouse and opportunities to please him or her, the Lord will reveal them to us. But if we are looking for faults, due to envy born out of unnecessary competition, that’s all we will see. In fact, good qualities in the spouse will only make us more envious of them.

 

Before criticizing the spouse, we should consider the state of our mind. Are we eager to appreciate the spouse for all his or her good work, or are we eager to pass judgments on any little shortcoming? What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. To live a joyful and fulfilling married life, it’s important to clean the window of our heart so that we recognize the good in our partners. The best way of cleaning the window of our heart, wiping it clean of the filth of envy, is to regularly come together and chant the Holy Names of God.

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Appreciate

The Faulty Fault-Finder

Fault Finding“When we point a finger at others, three fingers point back towards us. This means that before finding a fault with others, we should find three faults in ourselves.” – Radhanath Swami.

 

One young artist wanted to assess his skills. He put his best in painting a beautiful scenery and kept the painting at a busy street-crossing with the following message below it: “Since I’m new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes while painting; please put a cross wherever you see a mistake.”

 

When he returned after a few hours he was shocked to see crosses on all parts of his painting. Broken-hearted, he went to his teacher and wept about how people had rejected him completely. But the wise teacher consoled him and told him that actually his painting was flawless. He asked his pupil to paint the same scenery again. Again they kept the painting at the street-crossing. But this time, the message was different: “Since I’m new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes while painting. I have kept here a box with colors and brushes. Please do me a favor. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it.” And guess what, no one made any corrections for the whole next month. It’s easy to find faults in others, but not so easy to help others improve.

 

Generally, when we associate with somebody for a long time, we start getting tired of him or her. Familiarity breeds contempt. That is human nature. The spouse starts getting on our nerves and we just start finding all sorts of faults. Quite often, our mind becomes occupied with minutely analyzing each fault in the other. But we should know that even we are full of faults, though we don’t want to admit it. Before finding a fault in the spouse, we should first find three within ourselves. If both spouses follow this rule, soon they will start appreciating how the other has accepted him or her with all the faults. In this mood, the spouses can cooperate and help each other diagnose faults in themselves and work together to cure them.

Any ordinary man can find faults with others, even if no fault exists. But it takes a great man to see the good in others, even if there’s only a little bit of it.

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Appreciate

Remember the Mantra

Remember the MantraBeneath the veneer of superficiality if we look, we will rightly understand the situations that come in our life—Radhanath Swami

When we marry our partner, we look forward to an exciting journey of togetherness. At first, we are able to see the other person’s love and care in his/her daily acts and we appreciate it. Every time we appreciate each other, love seems to grow and the happiness seems boundless.

But gradually, with passing time, this infatuation fades away and instead of counting the loving ways of our partner, we catch ourselves counting their intolerable faults and picking up fights based on it. What happened to that ‘exciting journey of togetherness’ that we had dreamt of?

Radhanath Swami says, “Beneath the veneer of superficiality if we look, we will rightly understand the situations that come in our life, especially the conflicts—we will know that they are meant to purify our existence.” In the Vedic marriage ceremony the mantra, “Om apavitra-pavitro-va sarva-vastam gato api va yah smaret pundarikaksham sah bhayabhyantara suchih.” is chanted. In essence, this reveals to us that the purpose of human life as well as the purpose of marriage is to purify our hearts and our existence. When we forget this as the purpose of marriage and see our partner as a mere instrument to satisfy our senses, trouble arises.

The Vedic principle suggests that one must see the spouse as a gift of God for purification from conditioned existence. When we rightly understand this purpose, we are better able to appreciate our partner and weave in happiness once again into the marriage.

 “dampatyoh kalaho nasti tatra srih svayam agatah”. When there are no fights between husband and wife, the goddess of fortune automatically comes to the home -Canakya Pandita

 

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Appreciate

United We Stand

“In today’s ‘I’ society, everyone thinks in terms of ‘I’, ‘me’, and ‘mine’. But for people to be happy there has to be unity based on the understanding that everyone requires everyone else” — Radhanath Swami.

On the battlefield, every soldier is completely dependent on all his comrades. When there are thousands of people shooting guns and bombs at him, what can he do alone? His life, his survival, depends on all the others around him. At that time, he does not harbor petty feelings like “I do not like the color of his skin,” or “I do not like the things he eats,” or “I did not like what his wife said to me two years ago.” No. He understands that without the other, he will perish. On the frontlines, everyone is dependent on everyone else.

Similarly, this world is also like a battlefield staging the battles between the good and the evil, sin and piety, sentiments of the religious and the irreligious, love and sectarian hate. Our relationships are tested as the many situations of this world threaten them. At that time, it’s important to understand that we need each other to maintain and fortify our relationships. Without each other’s help and support, the relationship will perish. If we live by this understanding, then we will remain united and stop harboring petty thoughts about our spouse, and instead appreciate just how important our spouse is for us.
Strong relationships come from two things: (i) having each other’s association, and (ii) learning together the science of depending on a power beyond our own.

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Mutual Saviors

Mutual Saviors“We become unified when despite all of our diversity we serve one another” – Radhanath Swami

A very nice story illustrates this. A church was facing a tough situation: it was losing its members. So the remaining members approached a very saintly person and asked, “Can you tell us how to build up the church again?” The saint replied, “I cannot tell you how to build up your church, but I can tell you one thing for sure. The messiah has appeared as one of the members of your church. But I cannot tell you who he is.” When the members heard that, each one of them thought that any of the others could be the messiah. So, each one overlooked the faults of the others; after all, any of the other members could be the savior. Consequently, mutual respect amongst them grew, and they started serving each other. As they developed love for each other in this way, the church grew and flourished.

Similarly, in marital relationships, we tend to only notice the faults and differences of opinions of our spouse; we tend to take their good qualities for granted. But by remembering always that our spouse is a beloved child of God, we can train ourselves to overlook the spouse’s faults. Based on this higher principle, we can develop the understanding that the husband and wife can be each other’s “saviors”. Then mutual respect amongst the spouses will grow and the spouses will serve each other while helping each other progress spiritually. The relationship will thus grow and flourish.