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Arrest that situation!

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Arrest that situation!From here on, I’ll be writing series of short sutras that go a long way in making your married life more happier!

Its an often heard complaint from men that they don’t know how to deal with their upset wife. The question arises simply because men are ill-equipped to really know how a woman ‘feels.’

Women are made up of feelings, largely, just like men are made up of an healthy amount of ego. Addressing her feelings in the right manner is as important for her as is addressing the ego of a man in the right manner. It becomes especially true when she is upset with you! It might seem trivial in a man’s perspective that she is disturbed over an insignificant matter & you might just want your wife to brush it aside and expect her to move on with the more important matters in life. But wait, does it make sense to expect something from an already upset person? Common sense says no, isn’t it? Especially, to ignore someone’s hurt feelings and just walk over it as if nothing has happened will leave that person feel more hurt and more upset. Marriage is about care and respect. When you respect your wife’s feelings, she will respect & love you 100 folds more.

You might have good reasons but its her feelings that need to be healed right now and when it is a matter of feelings, logic or debate will not help the situation. When one is upset, it means that they experience something being taken away from them- they experience a lack or a hurt. If not healed right away, this lack will grow, add and multiply over a period of time and fester into a complicated situation which you at that point will be unable to reverse.

Instead of countering her being upset with your anger or harshness, you might want to treat her with kindness realizing that something has been taken away from the core of her heart & that has been caused by your own action/inaction. The position of humility and mutual respect is never truer than in marriage. Usually, when we take a humble position, solution automatically presents itself- providence sent! But assuming that humble position might not come to us naturally. Nevertheless, we can practice it by what I call stepping ‘out-of-your-body.’ When you remind yourself that you are not this body and that the other person is hurt & is seeking your kindness, you allow yourself to contemplate on ways you can make that person feel better, voila, the solution presents itself before you! If its too difficult to assume that position of humility, you can try to lend a sympathetic ear and allow your spouse to express her feelings. Just by listening to her woes, you can make your spouse feel better. In a marriage any situation or matter can be resolved just by listening to the other person sympathetically & in the long run, you can also build strong unbreakable bonds with each other.

Here are some dont’s :

a. Don’t ignore that your wife is upset with you. Acknowledge & take steps to pacify her.

b. Don’t start explaining how you are not wrong! By being defensive, you are telling her that you are not willing to ease her pain.
c. Don’t try to resolve the matter using logic. It will only worsen the situation.
d. Don’t belittle your wife’s feelings. You may not like how your spouse feels but you have to respect it. By respecting her feelings, you inadvertently get your spouse on your side!
e. Don’t run away from the situation if you are on the wrong side. Nothing works in a marriage like a genuine apology.

If you find that your wife is unwilling to open up or tell you what is bothering her, then give her time by assuring her that you are always available for her. It takes patience to heal a deep seated wound formed over a long period of time.

Radhanath Swami gives a simple insightful message on happiness in marriage. He says ‘seeing other people in terms of their desires rather than your own is the basic principle of loving them. Whenever there are differences, be respectful.’

– Mrs. Preethi Dhiman

…Read Articles in preethi’s Blog

 

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  1. January 3, 2013

    Jagdish

    Very insightful article – Thanks a ton for sharing the wisdom.

  2. January 3, 2013

    Sumit

    Very true.. patients in relationship helps in building stronger bonds

  3. January 9, 2013

    Arabinda

    Certainly great tips!

  4. January 10, 2013

    Vaibhav Sharma

    Simply a feast for all those who are not alone in life !!

  5. January 10, 2013

    Samir Paleja

    Thanx for very practical tips. I think it should work in most cases.

  6. January 10, 2013

    Sandhya Hinduja

    The essence is to listen nicely to other person..importance of others feelings over personal ego

  7. January 11, 2013

    nandkishordas

    Read, understood, but not able to follow, real subtle conditionings are vividly clear. Thanks for sharing.

  8. January 12, 2013

    Y.Raja Shekar

    Its really nice advise by HH Radhanath Swami to see from perspective of others and respect them.

  9. January 14, 2013

    Priya

    I will try to be conscious of these teachings and tactics next time when i am in same situation.

  10. January 14, 2013

    Y.Raja Shekar

    HH Radhaanth Swami’s conclusion to respect others during differences is most critical for any relationship.

  11. January 14, 2013

    Sri Raman das

    ‘seeing other people in terms of their desires rather than your own is the basic principle of loving them. Whenever there are differences, be respectful.’ HHRNS
    How often we hear such statements??? very rare… we are very fortunate to have wonderful association of Maharaj through his words… Thank you

  12. January 14, 2013

    Jaydeep

    Amazing Mrs Dhiman ! You have equipped us of handling those tense situations wherein we males generally end up hurting our wife and eventually ourselves. I would definitely try to take your word on this and be nice to my wife when she is upset. !

    Thanks once again !

    • February 11, 2014

      manish

      very true

  13. January 14, 2013

    Nitin Patil

    Always in your article last line by Radhanath Swami summarises the entire thing told by you and conveys a deep meaning. Thanks for sharing wonderful article.

  14. January 14, 2013

    nandkishordas

    when it is a matter of feelings, logic or debate will not help the situation. So listen!!!

  15. January 14, 2013

    Sundar Ananda das

    Very nice article and wonderful thoughts by HH Radhanath Swami.. these will guide us during our marriage..

  16. January 14, 2013

    Sada Nandini

    Thank you for this article explaining how to understand feelings of others and act accordingly when a mistake happens. Thank you Radhanath swami for your wonderful definition of love.

  17. January 14, 2013

    anand

    very enlightening and practical. i pray the Lord gives me the intelligence and patience. thanks

  18. January 15, 2013

    Anil Timbe

    ‘seeing other people in terms of their desires rather than your own is the basic principle of loving them. Whenever there are differences, be respectful.’ — this statement gives such a practical solution to all the problems. Thanks for sharing.

  19. January 16, 2013

    Piyush Singh

    Very useful article.. captures the issue exactly and the action approach is perfect. Thank you very much for sharing this wisdom from Radhanath Swami.

  20. January 18, 2013

    Keshav

    What a statement man………….”seeing other people in terms of their desires rather than your own is the basic principle of loving them. Whenever there are differences, be respectful!!!”

    Way to go sir

  21. January 21, 2013

    Riya

    It’s funny but I usually follow the dont’s as do’s. Thanks for helping me realize wheer I go wrong.

  22. January 21, 2013

    Krishna daya das

    Haribol mataji. Thank you for sharing such wonderful teachings of HH Radhanath swami and such valuable tips.

  23. January 21, 2013

    Ravi

    Very helpful article….thanks for your teips & guidance….

  24. January 21, 2013

    Chiraag Goel

    Wonderful article.. Haribol !! thank you so much for inspiring..

  25. January 22, 2013

    Phani Karthik

    Thank you. Very helpful. Will attempt to remember and follow.

  26. January 22, 2013

    Mehul

    Thank you very much for sharing.
    Respect for other is the key for successfull relationship……….

  27. January 26, 2013

    BALKRISHAN ARORA

    ‘seeing other people in terms of their desires rather than your own is the basic principle of loving them. Whenever there are differences, be respectful.’ – What a wonderful message by Radhanath Swami

  28. January 26, 2013

    Aishwarya

    Whenever there are differences, be respectful.’-If one is conscious of this most of the rifts can be evaded at it’s very outset.

  29. February 14, 2013

    vaishali kamat

    These tips are very useful and will surely make marriages successful. It is said that marriages are made in heaven, but we have to maintain them here on EARTH !!

  30. February 14, 2013

    pavan

    Thank you for sharing the don’t while dealing with one’s wife.

  31. February 15, 2013

    kiran yagain

    sacredbonding.com has helped me a lot to grow as a householder striving to become a devotee

  32. February 19, 2013

    jayant mahtani

    By abiding your advice, many complications can be solved.
    Thank you again.

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